"An apology," I repeat with a nod, although the taut sensation in my jaw reminds me of the fact that it isn't nearly as nice of me to say so as it sounds, that I sure as heck ain't someone who lets getting slighted by with a single five letter word. So I elaborate. "But it ain't 'cause I think sayin' sorry means a damn thing; it doesn't fix anything. It's just..."

I breathe, slowly, in and out, just to keep the thudding in my chest from overcoming me altogether. "I ain't any better, Catnip. You saw what happened in that nightmare of ours. I've become the same damned person as the man I'd been meanin' to kill all my life. All I wanted as a damn apology because maybe then he'd know that it was a mistake, what he did."

After I pause, I add, "He just laughed, though."