"I'm not," it's a feeble attempt that he'll see through instantly, so I have to try again. "I'm angry...at the war. At everything. It...changed you." It feels like such a contradiction to be saying these words. I'm a hypocrite. Of course Gale changed - we all did. Even Peeta, though his was against his will. As usual, Peeta was the only one among us that kept his goodness through his decisions. If the Capitol hadn't taken him...if I hadn't failed...

I've done terrible things. I shot an unarmed civilian, a Capitol woman. I lied to my squadron in order pursue my own agenda and as a result, half of them died. I voted yes to another Hunger Games. I've killed enough people that there's a list. These are the things I've done for various reasons, but Gale-

Gale's ruthless. He's practical. The amount of lives lost is secondary to completing a strategic objective. If given the choice, I'm sure he would turn around and do the same thing again. If it would help his cause. The cause that I was supposed to believe in too. When did I stop?

I close my eyes and take deep breaths, filtering these thoughts. It feels terrible to be thinking them about someone I've known this long. But it hardly matters.

I'll always be thinking them.

I can never erase them.