I should ask him if he's sure. I should offer to stay. But I don't do either of those things. "I'll come back," I promise him. He should know that it's one I'll make good on. "I just need to..." breathe is the word I'm looking for, but it sounds too harsh to use here. "Think," is what I use instead. It won't hurt him any less, and I know that's what I'm doing at this very moment. It's hard enough to watch without inflicting it myself.

But there's a weight in my chest that I need to get rid of and the forest is the only place I can breathe these days.