"I know he does, but I can't even...look at him without seeing it," the moment is always there, trapped behind my eyelids to emerge every time they close. Every time I glance over in Gale's direction. He looks smaller and younger sleeping, curled in on himself slightly with the injuries on his back. It's never been more evident that he is not Soldier Hawthorne from District 13, the one who sentenced people to the same deaths our father experienced, but still. Still. My mind isn't nearly as rational, slipping into rounds of paranoia like in the days after the City Square. Could I prove it wasn't him? Had Coin ordered the death of my sister? She was dead now, so it shouldn't matter, but it does. Her death doesn't bring Prim back. It doesn't make it hurt less.
Why didn't I tell him? If I'm being honest, it was just a detail that slipped my mind in the wake of everything else I had to tell him. "Prim was more important," and that was true. I didn't care about the burns on my own skin, only the memories that the explosion hadn't wiped from me. I extricate my arm from his grip, slowly so that he knows that I won't be going anywhere. "There's something I have to tell you," Gale has a right to know, yes, but so does Peeta. His own terrible future, a future that I shoulder the blame for. Yes, Haymitch should have rescued him instead of me, but Snow tortured Peeta to get to me and no one else. Like most things, I'm to blame.
Was there a choice in this? Was it really as simple as staying the Capitol's slaves or rebelling and watching thousands die? I suppose I'll never know now.
Berries. It all started with a handful of berries and the need to keep him alive. In all that's happened, that hasn't changed.
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Why didn't I tell him? If I'm being honest, it was just a detail that slipped my mind in the wake of everything else I had to tell him. "Prim was more important," and that was true. I didn't care about the burns on my own skin, only the memories that the explosion hadn't wiped from me. I extricate my arm from his grip, slowly so that he knows that I won't be going anywhere. "There's something I have to tell you," Gale has a right to know, yes, but so does Peeta. His own terrible future, a future that I shoulder the blame for. Yes, Haymitch should have rescued him instead of me, but Snow tortured Peeta to get to me and no one else. Like most things, I'm to blame.
Was there a choice in this? Was it really as simple as staying the Capitol's slaves or rebelling and watching thousands die? I suppose I'll never know now.
Berries. It all started with a handful of berries and the need to keep him alive. In all that's happened, that hasn't changed.