katniss everdeen (
burnwithus) wrote2011-01-27 11:31 am
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(gale) sing to me about the end of the world
In 13, Katniss found that she had a penchant for hiding and finding small places to slip into where no one could possibly find her. Places that she could be alone with her thoughts, no matter how dark they were. Today she slips into the caves, avoiding the forest where she knows the Cornucopia glimmers dully in the hot island sun, yet another reminder of things she can't forget.
The bloodstains haven't quite washed away either, despite the snow.
She comes across a pool of clear water and lets her legs dangle into them, tingling against healing scars but in a way that feels good. Cathartic, in a way. Katniss stares quietly at the cavernous ceiling, noting the stalactites on the ceiling, pointing down like great stone arrows.
The fact that she can only hear the dripping of water echoing in the cave helps to calm her just a little bit, closing her eyes and trying to sift through exactly what she's feeling right now. Peeta. Gale. Everything is crowding around her mind right now until it's nearly impossible to see through. Gale had kissed her, and she'd let him. Why? Why did she do that?
It's because she wasn't thinking, Katniss realizes sullenly a few seconds later. And now Peeta knows about what happened after the Capitol took him, and she still doesn't know where they stand or where she wants them to stand.
A sharp, shuddering sigh is released from her lips, and it's loud in the all-pervasive silence of the caves, with plenty of surfaces for it to echo against.
The bloodstains haven't quite washed away either, despite the snow.
She comes across a pool of clear water and lets her legs dangle into them, tingling against healing scars but in a way that feels good. Cathartic, in a way. Katniss stares quietly at the cavernous ceiling, noting the stalactites on the ceiling, pointing down like great stone arrows.
The fact that she can only hear the dripping of water echoing in the cave helps to calm her just a little bit, closing her eyes and trying to sift through exactly what she's feeling right now. Peeta. Gale. Everything is crowding around her mind right now until it's nearly impossible to see through. Gale had kissed her, and she'd let him. Why? Why did she do that?
It's because she wasn't thinking, Katniss realizes sullenly a few seconds later. And now Peeta knows about what happened after the Capitol took him, and she still doesn't know where they stand or where she wants them to stand.
A sharp, shuddering sigh is released from her lips, and it's loud in the all-pervasive silence of the caves, with plenty of surfaces for it to echo against.
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"I want to see it," he says, fishing the salve out of his bag. "And I want to do something to make it feel better."
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She pushes the back of her shirt up but keeps it on her arms, pushing the rest of the fabric against her chest, flushing furiously. Katniss has seen it in the mirror, she knows what is must look like. Half-healed fissures of skin that look melted, patches of pink and olive where the surgeons thought it could be salvaged. She's a patchwork, a fire-mutt. An unfamiliar cool breeze hits her skin and she's surprised she can feel it even through the grafts, shivering slightly.
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"On your belly," he says, lips smudging against hers. "The salve'll definitely help. I promise."
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Even now, she remembers exactly what those are.
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Here, all she does is turn her head. She does nothing at all.
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He ducks his head, hair falling across his forehead.
"Lie down," he says, gently. "Please."
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"Better?"
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He watches the way she shifts, careful not to rest any of his weight against her hips because this is awkward enough alrady and there's no way he's going to make it worse. He presses, lightly with his thumbs, massaging as he rubs the salve into her.
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Because I don't know anything anymore, Katniss adds silently, a recurring theme that simply won't go away. Indecision, with each pathway leading to a different negative circumstance. What is the lesser of two evils? Since that's what it's come to be, in her mind. Her guiding star, when she finds that the line between saints and villains become too blurred to see properly.
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"I have no idea where I am with you."
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"We're friends. Can we please just leave it that way?" she sounds tired, weary to the bone. Her voice drops and softens, because the last thing Katniss Everdeen needs right now is a fight. "I could really use a friend, Gale."
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"Thanks for the salve. It feels much better now."
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He glances back over his shoulder at her, hands dripping wet and hanging between his knees. "That's good, Katniss." He dips his head, pushing wet fingers back through his hair. "You should still stay. I'll get another bed."
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"You slept, the other night. While I was there. And...whatever this is. Whatever we are. I can give you that."
He stands there and, for a moment, it's painfully clear: he needs her to let him having something here.
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There's a time when one has to turn around and face things. It took her a little longer this time because she's had enough of fighting to last a lifetime.
"Tell me how I'm supposed to be around you after..." Katniss trails off, because her words have an edge she never meant. "I just..." one hand goes up to her face, brushing the scar at her temple that she equates with confusion.
"I don't know, and you're asking me for these things and I can't..."
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