(gale) we are young and stupid and raised by wolves

[burnwithus]

During her stint in 13, Katniss had become amazingly adept at finding little hiding places where nobody would come across her. The boiler room, a storage closet, an abandoned classroom. Oftentimes these were barely big enough for her to fit, but she didn't mind curling up in order to do so. It was in these places that she would purposefully disregard her schedule and spend her days sleeping and wandering, partially because of the concussion Johanna Mason gave her, but mostly because Peeta Mellark was gone. They had taken him to the Capitol, used him to break her and it had worked spectacularly. She was a useless Mockingjay with clipped wings without him, and everyone in the War Room had known it.

Peeta was gone now, too, but this time it was different. This time Katniss at least knew that he was safe and on his way to some form of happiness and normalcy, and as twisted and bruised as her heart is now she's not going to deny him that. It's almost strange not to have him around, and it's definitely something she had taken for granted in the past. That Peeta would be there, always. That his hands would always be steady and he would smile slightly when he saw her, and that...

Well, what was the point in thinking about it? She wasn't going to call him back if he had moved on, because that was selfish and she had already been selfish enough in not telling him about 12. If he didn't love her anymore, hated her, even, who was she to deny him the chance to love someone more functional than she? Maybe this Peeta, whole an unbroken as he was, deserved more than the burned-out husk of the Girl on Fire. This Peeta didn't need her.

Katniss is curled up in a hollow tree, head resting against the wood and breathing in the faint scent of mildew, though she hardly minds it. It's almost a comforting scent, natural although slightly sickly sweet. But this tree is hidden from view in most angles, and the quiet of the forest is just what she needs to calm the myriad of thoughts in her head.

Comments

[worldisburning.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, maybe."

He's promised that he won't talk about it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think it; that if he's going to be happy here, if he's going to make a go of it, he wants her with him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Catnip."

[burnwithus.livejournal.com]

Even if he doesn't say it, she knows what he's thinking and it's almost worse. It's bad enough that she's talking about Peeta to Gale, knowing what he feels, and Katniss resolves to move away from this particular topic of conversation. She sighs heavily, glancing back at him and then away, towards the wall of the tree that she leans against. "I can't force you to do anything," she admits heavily, even if she doesn't like it much.

[worldisburning.livejournal.com]

"No," he says, pushing his hair back from his face, still watching her. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "WHy change the habit of a lifetime, right?"

[burnwithus.livejournal.com]

"Because it's good for you?" once upon a time, she might have returned his smile, back when they used to laugh and joke together. But it's been a long time since Katniss has smiled, so much so that maybe her muscles don't remember how, or so she thinks. Not that it really matters. Things have been miserable at best with Peeta gone, but she's not going to sit around and wallow about it. Katniss' hands grip the bark of the tree she's sitting in, running it against her skin and feeling the roughness there. It's easier to breathe here, surrounded by greenery. Easier to live, even.

He's watching her, but she isn't looking at him.

[worldisburning.livejournal.com]

It hits him: he can't do this. After what she's told him today, after what he's heard, he can't argue with her and he can't sit there while she tells him what he does or doesn't feel. He pushes to his feet.

"Whatever you think, Katniss," he says, voice rough as he turns. "I'm checking my snares. I'll see you later."